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CAT Tracks for January 13, 2012
CAT JOURNAL...FRIDAY THE 13TH |
12:01 a.m. - Well, the long-awaited day of deliverance has arrived. Of course, it's black as night outside but we will soon see the light signifying the end of a four-year journey through a long, dark depressing tunnel. I've checked CNN, the CAT News Network, and sunrise is at 7:17 a.m. My heart beats rapidly in anticipation.
2:15 a.m. - Oh, my. Just got a text from Madam President. She's out trying to ride herd on CATs. The Friday the 13th Eve party evidently went a little too long and too well. Seems that one of the revelers gave a "holla!!" to Interim Superintendent Swopes, who called the local authorities, who, in turn, placed a call to Madam President...putting her on notice that all harassment must cease immediately or prosecutions might be in order. Poor Madam President...not sleeping tonight, at best a catnap or two. She should have put in for Association Leave for today.
2:45 a.m. - My e-mail notifier just pinged, letting me know that my daily New York Times e-mail has arrived. It's time to wander the alleyways and find some stories suitable for posting. After the NYT, there's the local media outlets. So many sources, so little time. But, the pressure is on! Without a doubt, loyal and curious CATs will be visiting early and visiting often today. Hell, Leotis himself might even sneak a peek at "The Rag".
4:00 a.m. - Paul Simon did a song back in the 70s with the line: "Four in the morning, crapped out, yawning..." I can surely relate. Should really try to get some sleep...might have to go relieve Madam CAT President. But, I'm afraid I won't wake up in time to see the sun rise on this glorious day. Would set my alarm, but I can't find the clock. Hmmm...wonder if that's what caused the hole in my bedroom window that I had to tape over back in 2008?
Well, short on sleep, Madam President snapped. By the time I drove up, she had the two older members (pictured above) by the scruffs of their necks, frog-marching them off toward the CJSHS marquee. In my haste, I had forgotten my hearing aids, but I had no difficulty whatsoever hearing what Madam President had to say: "Have you lost your minds? What were you thinking? You take the wheels off of his car, how does he leave Cairo? What? You want that he should stay another year or two???!!!"
Well, CATs may be mischievous, but they ain't dumb. You should have seen the fur fly as they streaked back to the car and reinstalled the wheels.
When Madam President walked back toward me to deal with the third culprit, I told her that I would take care of it, for her to go back to her car and try to get an hour of sleep. She reluctantly agreed.
When I glanced back to the carport, I saw that the hood of LIL ROK 9 was raised. Fearing the worst, I took my charge by the paw and walked over to see what was afoot.
Talk about learning their lesson and taking a message to heart! The two would-be pranksters were furiously at work tuning up Leotis's Lexus, making sure that it would be purring like a kitten when it came time for him to head back to Chicago!
Seeing that the situation was under control, I took the third little hooligan back to my car and told him that he was going to have an hour of "time out"...that he should think about what he had done, what Madam President had said to his partners-in-crime, and be ready to offer his thoughts on what he had learned from this unfortunate incident.
Unfortunately, I'm afraid that I shall fail...that I will have to turn him over to Madam President. She is used to dealing with "little ones".
6:00 a.m. - It's hopeless...
Things are getting totally out of control...FAST! My pouting kitten finally broke silence in an obvious attempt to win favor and escape incarceration. As is common behavior for those who lose their freedom, he ratted out one of his co-conspirators. He looked up at me and still sporting a fairly sour puss, he said: "You didn't know there were CATs already in Dawg's crib did you? In his bedroom, even!" Not wanting to awaken Madam President and fearing another 911 call by Swopes, I let my informant go...time served, with a stern warning that he go straight home. He probably didn't, but I had much larger worries.
Sure enough, as I crept into the bedroom, there was a CAT sitting on Leotis's chest, nose to nose. Swopes' eyes were starting to flicker open just as I got to the side of the bed. As I reached out and grabbed her and whisked her away, I heard her parting words to Swopes:
7 a.m. - Okay, the official sunrise isn't for another 15 minutes or so, but it is definitely morning...THE morning!
In times of trouble, in times of joy...I find comfort or exhilaration in the music of my youth. Today is no exception.
Not one for spur of the moment decisions, I've been pondering. An obvious choice persisted...Morning Has Broken by one of our own, Cat Stevens. (YouTube Video)
And, it works...each morning, a chance to begin anew. It's religious overtones and homage...appropriate for a community of CATs who have been subjected to darkness for so long.
But, while the lyrics are hopeful, the tune is somber.
This morning calls for something more upbeat and while listening to some Beatles music last week, the purrfect song did play: Here Comes the Sun. (YouTube Video)
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right
Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right
Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and I say
It's all right
It's all right
Cairo School District Number One:
Feels like years, seems like years since the sun's been here...the smile's returning slowly to the faces. Let the ice begin to melt...
8:00 a.m. - Saving grace...the bell indicating the start of the school day just rang and the commons areas have cleared. Say what you want about CATs, they are dedicated to their task of teaching the children. Yes, they may party hearty, they may engage in "do unto others as they do unto you" mischief when provoked by evil forces, but they do their job.
Just as the walls were starting to shake at CJSHS and CES, a white rabbit did appear...carrying a large gold pocket watch. Pawsing for only a moment and with nary a glance around, said rabbit was heard to mutter in an harried tone; "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date." Then, POOF, he was gone! Startled to silence by the magic-like coming and going, CATs glanced to their wrists and abruptly ended their pre-school festivities. Off they dashed...through the teacher-lounge doors, down the halls to their respective classrooms as fast as their dancing paws could carry them.
Not only did they not lose any time, these CATs did not lose their ear-to-ear grins. Yes, they be happy CATs!
Bottom Line, Dear Journal: Things should quiet down for a few hours...at least until dismissal time. We may make it through this day yet!
8:15 a.m. - Back in my CAT Cave, watching "Morning Tom" on CNN, the CAT News Network, drinking a calming glass of warm milk...
Behind the talking heads, the screen is filled with a "this-just-in" picture from one of the schools:
Touting their 24-hour "LIVE" coverage of what they are terming "D-Day" (aka Departure Day), CNN also had an interview from one of the teachers' lounges...of the last CAT standing (on a table no less) just before the bell rang to begin "The Final Day":
Dear Journal: I have mixed feelings about all of this...
CATs are known for their mysterious aloofness, their disdain of dog-like, tail-wagging emotion. So, although I certainly have nothing against "heightened emotion", well, I find the video and pictures a little demeaning.
On the other paw...
If ever a group of CATs had reason to "cut loose", well, this be the group, this be the time!
DANCE, DANCE, DANCE!!!
8:20 a.m. - Oh, Lord...what was I thinking? Been away from school for too long...forgot about planning periods!
Hearing the chime indicating a text message, I reached for my cell phone, spilling my glass of nice warm milk...an omen of the tidings to come.
The message from one of the my former colleagues at the high school was succinct: "You need to get up to the cottage...NOW!
Knowing my source was not one prone to exaggeration, I jumped in the old CATmobile and hightailed it north. When I neared the turn for CJSHS and glanced left, I could see clearly that I had my work cut out for me:
Never, ever in over 40 years had I seen CATs at play during the work day. I knew what they were up to...simply showering the soon-to-depart Superintendent with in-your-face taunting, cat-calls if you will.
Seeing what was going on outside, I feared the worse for the cottage.
Sure enough, when I peeked in the window, one CAT had positioned herself right outside Swopes bedroom door...waiting for Leotis to emerge for his morning practice round:
Adding insult to injury, the awaiting CAT had gotten into Swopes golfing equipment and made some minor alterations:
Sigh...
But, that proved to be the tip of the iceberg in CAT harassment.
As I was escorting "golf-ball kitty" outside, little did I know what was transpiring behind closed doors. It seems that a few CATs got together and decided to give Leotis the full Friday the 13th "scare treatment".
When Leotis finally stumbled out of bed and opened the bathroom door, he was taken by surprise:
Discretion being the better part of valor, Leotis chose to skip that part of his morning routine and settle for a quick shower. That's when he received the "black cat treatment":
Full force:
Mumbling a few epithets normally reserved for female members of another species, Leotis gave up, left the bathroom, and re-entered the bedroom. Well, that's when the practical joke backfired on the CAT participants. Payback, as they say, is a dog...a naked dawg!
Then, things got ugly...and personal.
A couple of jock-types, accustomed to locker-room nakedness were not shocked and were less than kind:
Even I have to admit, this was too much.
No CAT, old or young, should be "exposed" to such raw truth.
8:35 a.m. - Another "incident" as Swopes went out to the carport to get into his Lexus and head to the safety of the Central Office. "Incident" is advisedly in quotes because it can be described as such only because Leotis can't take a joke. As he neared his car, he was startled at a movement on the car's hood and involuntarily flinched. Turns out that one of the more forgiving CATs had taken a vantage point there, was going show Leotis that there were no hard feelings, that the pranks of the morning were harmless fun. The CAT was going to "bump paws" as his own personal farewell. However, when the CAT saw Leotis flinch, well, he just couldn't help himself and offered a playful boxing motion.
Little did the unsuspecting CAT know that THAT was his first mistake...thinking Leotis had a sense of humor. Stay tuned...
8:45 a.m. - After Leotis parked his car (out in front where he could keep an eye out for stray CATs), he walked quickly to building and entered, breathing an audible sigh of relief that he had arrived with nothing but his ego bruised. Home, CAT free!!!
When Leotis entered his office, there, sitting behind his desk...another surprise:
CATs...they're everywhere, they're everywhere!!!
9:00 a.m. - It has hit the fan...
When Leotis had turned to his secretary and ordered her to call the police and have the intruder forcibly removed, our CAT simply arose from Swopes chair and said "Fooey on you too, I bid you adieu". Our "Foo Fighter" left the Central Office without hesitation or objection. After all, CATs have been well-trained by their union representatives to immediately comply with administrative directives, no matter how onerous, so as to avoid the dismissable charge of insubordination. File a grievance after the act...live to fight another day.
Our CAT simply reached down, picked up his boom-box, flipped it on - BLASTIN' - and did an impressive Tony Manero imitation as he strut out of the office and out the front door to the tune of "Staying Alive".
We may still dodge the bullet on this one, because no phone call was made.
Seems that Swopes' secretary and the rest of the Central Office staff were temporarily stunned into immobility (although I could swear I detected some not-so-subtle movement to the music.) Central Office employees could be excused for their bewilderment at the sight of Leotis D. Swopes...standing in the office before 9 a.m. (punctuality to work not being one of his trademarks.) And...with the CAT News Network reporting hourly on the various CAT pranks of the day, they might well assume that the "Leotis" standing before them was simply another CAT dressed up in a Swopes body suit, topped off with the frightful Halloween mask.
So, when Leotis was asked for some proof that he was indeed whom he seemed to be, he entered his office and slammed the door. Let us hope he stays there until time for his departure!
9:15 a.m. - Rats! Just received word from "Deep Throat".
After Swopes slammed the door, he made two calls:
- The first was to the District's security company...to have them pull security from the two attendance centers, placing one guard at the cottage and stationing the other two at the Central Office.
- The second call was to the police...reporting the "altercation" outside the cottage, the "pew pew pew" incident.
Time to alert the CAT lawyers...
10:00 a.m. - Damned and determined...
...unwilling to let sleeping CATs lie.
Instead of remaining behind closed doors protected by two security guards, Swopes opts for a defiant "final tour" of facilities.
His first stop (probably so that he could confirm security procedures at the cottage) was Cairo Junior/Senior High School. After going from classroom to classroom and being received in a professional manner by CATs in the presence of their students, Leotis could have done his own strut out the door. Oh, but no...he had to stop by the "Teacher's Lounge" on his way out. His reception by CATs on their planning period quickly burst his bubble...
Well, slinking rather than strutting, it's off to CES...where Swopes probably thinks he can kattow elementary teachers into proper subservience. Well, good luck with that! If Leotis found the CJSHS CATs protective of their territory, he's now venturing onto Madam CAT President's turf.
10:15 a.m. - Rude awakening...
Evidently, someone from CJSHS got word to the CES faculty: You're about to get 'Swoped'!
With students safely out of sight (behind the building on recess) and no need to mince words, a CAT delegation confronted Swopes at the front entrance before he even got out of his car:
Since Swopes had not felt the need to bring one of the security guards with him to Cairo Elementary, he once again wisely exercised discretion. (Maybe we could train Dawg after all...NOT!) Swopes slammed his car door shut and did a reprise of his "Twas the Week Before Christmas" exit:
Like a bat out of hell, a man on a mission
With mid finger extended, he drove out of sight
“De De and CAT…Screw all y’all, I made out all right!”
Too bad for Leotis that he was being honored at a farewell party last night at the Cavalier Club and missed watching the CAT News Network Special Presentation - "A Poetic Farewell". If he had seen it, he would have known better than to glance into his rear-view mirror. Dawg almost side-swiped the CNN van starring at the CAT delegation returning the favor!
CNN cameras were in front of the school and snapped a picture of two CATs who have been watching entirely too much NFL playoff coverage, too many end zone celebrations. Not having to fear penalty for excessive celebration, the two football fans showed their "heightened emotion" on this occasion by doing their own version of the mid-air "body bump":
Sensing a good story, the CNN reporters then reassembled the "Swopes Reception Crew" and asked if they had any comments about the imminent Swopes departure:
10:45 a.m. - Have received word from "Double Naught CAT" that Swopes is back at the Central office locked in his office with one security guard stationed at the door to the Superintendent's office and two other guards positioned on the steps leading into the building.
Swopes was a little slow on the uptake, but I think he's finally gotten the message...LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE!
Whew!
Folks, it's been a long night and the day's not even half over. Even this old CAT has to eat and nap at times. So, barring any unforeseen emergencies, I'm headed back to the CAT cave for a little R & R.
In the meantime, don't do anything I wouldn't do!
1:00 p.m. - Blessed respite...
...a power nap, then a convivial lunch with a couple of fellow retired CATs. (One of my friends insisted upon adhering to her silly New Year's resolution, ordering the steamed vegetable plate. Me, I needed a sugary pick-me-up and so I skipped the entrée and went straight for dessert...to die for!) I am rejuvenated.
Just as well...
As I strolled (arthritic CATs don't strut) to the CATmobile, my cell phone rang...Madam CAT President. She has already called the union attorney and he is on the way. I am to meet him at the police station at 1:15 p.m.
1:15 p.m. - Arrived at the slammer...
Oh, the inhumanity (incatity?) of it all!
Never in my life have I witnessed such a heart-wrenching sight...
...and all because Swopes just couldn't let it go and begone.
One of the tenured CATs (we do look after our younger, more vulnerable members) occupies the cell next door...claiming a case of mistaken identity, that it was he who was outside the cottage at 8:35 a.m. when Swopes left for work. (Can you spell "reasonable doubt"?)
1:30 p.m. - Our union attorney handed me a copy of the allegations and charges filed by Swopes. (Puuulease! What a web of deceit!!!) In highly dramatized rhetoric, Leotis said that a CAT (it was a kitten for goodness sake!) had sucker-punched him - knocked him out - as he tried to get in his car to go to work.
Well, we know better!
Driven to distraction by the bald-faced lies told by Swopes, I have to admit to questionable behavior on my part...an emergency text message to an old CAT friend who has connections with the local "powers that be". (If the truth comes out and my friend and I are accused of obstructing justice, I've already formulated our defense. Our actions were a case of obstructing INJUSTICE...justifiable prevarication on our part to counteract Swopes' BIG LIE that would have sent an innocent kitten to juvie.)
My CAT friend's videotaped testimony to the police:
2:15 p.m. - Sprung!!!
After considering the credibility of testimony presented by the various witnesses, the state's attorney decided that it all came down to "he said, they said" (where "they" win every time.) So, the charges were dismissed and the police told the CATs that they could go.
Surveillance cameras captured the moment when news of the release reached the waiting room:
As for me and my co-conspirator...
...we opted for a private, more subdued celebration.
Best of all...
...release was achieved just in time for everyone to get back to their respective buildings before dismissal, so as to share with friends and fellow CATs the joyful feeling of emancipation that the final bell will bring to all.
Let freedom ring!!!
3:00 p.m. - Let the party begin!!!
Yep, Madam CAT President decided that an all-CAT gathering was in order to mark this special occasion.
Well, THAT, and...
Madam CAT President had just barely averted having one of her kittens do hard time on trumped-up charges of harassment!
And...
...with all the real pranks played during the night and day by her exuberant charges, well, Madam President figured it would be best to corral everyone in one location.
So...
Madam President made arrangements for CAT to host its own farewell party...from 3 p.m. until Swopes' departure.
After last night's party (for "lucky" invitees) at the Cavalier Club (honoring Leotis Swopes), that seemed to be the "it" location for the elite to meet. So, Madam President gave serious consideration to having CAT hold its celebration at the same location. However, the planning committee's "departure ceremony" necessitated the selection of a site within walking distance of the cottage.
Final answer: The CJSHS Cafeteria. (Madam President recognized the irony of this choice...the location of so many SIP days, the scene of so many "Swopeings". Another case of "poetic justice".)
Funny thing...
You will note the starting time of the party...3 p.m., at a time when CJSHS is still in session. Not fair, you say?
Well, not to worry!
In his final day (in fact, with his final official act), Leotis D. Swopes "blinked". An official memorandum (aka "missive") went forth...for ALL schools to dismiss early so that their employees would be able to attend the CAT celebration (of his departure!)
Before you start heaping kudos on "he who swopes"...for being so nice and accommodating, THINK!
Just as Madam CAT President fears the antics of her rowdy and rambunctious CATs, more so does Leotis!!! (Swopes found out this afternoon - with the release of the accused CATs - that he would get no support from the local authorities.) No...Leotis hopes that this self-serving gesture will insure that CATs will be distracted...inside a building with no windows, where they will be unable to see as he makes preparations for his great escape.
Incidentally...
The precautions taken by Madam CAT President (and acquiesced to by Swopes) were well founded.
As Madam President drove up toward CJSHS, she saw that the door to the cottage was ajar. Even if not a curious CAT, this would set off an alarm in anyone's mind...with the temperature outside in the low 30s. Madam President pulled into the driveway, got out of her car, and tentatively walked toward the open door. The culprit (having CAT ears) mistook her footsteps for Leotis. Therefore, when Madam President eased the door open, the CAT did "ass-u-me"...offering catty commentary:
Note to self: Enjoy the party!
Takes some pics, have some pics taken, but don't worry about trying to run back to the CAT cave to post them before attending the farewell gala. It's been a long day...take time to unwind. There'll be time for pictures and posting later.
For tomorrow is another day!
Ooh, ooh, ooh...
While I was up at CJSHS helping with party preparations, I did snap a couple of pictures of the DJs setting up. It's going to be the brashness of youth versus the steady paw of experience:
5:00 p.m. - Dear Journal: Everybody seems so genuinely happy this afternoon, like a great burden has been lifted from their shoulders. And, indeed, it has.
I made the rounds for a while, greeting former colleagues. But, gradually, I found a seat in a nice quiet corner by myself. This old gray CAT, he ain't what he used to be...many long years ago.
And, yes, memories clambered for attention...
But, not to worry, I just deleted the beginning of this old CAT's reminiscences. After all, we are CATs. We have 9 lives. We invented the saying "I'll be baaaaaack!"
Not that we plan on going anywhere. As the CAT in the CJSHS "Teacher's Lounge" said this morning when Leotis swooped in: "We fought hard for this turf and we ain't just gonna give it up."
CAT was born in 1978 and has survived whithering waves of attacks by Cairo School District officials...calmly going about its business.
I had two choices for the above image...with and without caption. I chose the former because for many CATs, prayer has been a soothing and stabilizing force during our worst of times. For those of lesser or no faith, who knows? For sure, putting aside our various differences - race, religion, politics - and uniting in our common cause has yielded success beyond any that could have been accomplished by individual efforts. Solidarity forever!
Over the past 30+ years, older teachers retired, replacements arrived on the scene. At first, the newbies (even lil' ol' me) would go about the business for which they went to college to learn and were hired to do...focusing on teaching the children, not even noticing the larger picture.
However, as they went about their professional tasks, becoming more organized and efficient, they gradually had time to observe and notice...that there was much more to teaching and life. There were the day-to-day relationships...with their students and their colleagues. They would see right and wrong and see their veteran colleagues fight for justice, for themselves and others.
I would imagine (like myself) that there were times early on when they went home a night and took a long, hard look at themselves...asking the question: "Do I have what it takes to put my career on the line and stand up for what's right?"
Well...
The reason CAT is still alive and well is that each new CAT finally realized what those who had gone before had seen:
God Bless CATs, Every One!
Okay...
Madam CAT President has given the signal...it is time to finally say good-bye to one who contributed nothing positive to Cairo School District Number One during his four-year reign.
We file out quietly and line both sides of the drive from the cottage to Sycamore street and await his departure.
When he emerges from the cottage, there are no cat-calls, there is no recognition, there is only silence. After all, we are CATs...the strong and silent types.
As Swopes drives away from the cottage, each CAT pulls out her/his own personal hard copy of today's CAT Journal opens it up and pretends to read, ignoring Swopes as he drives by, showing their individual and collective disdain of the Superintendent formerly known as the Prince of Darkness.
When Swopes was safely on Sycamore and nearing the tunnel out of Cairo, he did, indeed, reprise his mid-finger wagging gesture...hoping to get a final rise out of the much maligned CATs.
Well...
Madam CAT President had already anticipated this moment and had asked CATs to show their final contempt by not even acknowledging his final futile gesture. And, to their collective credit, the CATs honored her request.
As the CATs turned their backs on the past to go back into the building and resume the party, a loud screeching of tires was heard, as was a horn blaring.
As the CATs turned to see what was the matter, they saw that it was Leotis...still seeking the attention his over-sized ego craved. Evidently CAT's lack of acknowledgment of his finger wagging led him to mistakenly believe that they had not seen his gesture.
Lo and behold, Swopes exited his vehicle, climbed upon the roof, and doubled down on his departing gesture. Madam President called for the CATs to restrain themselves, which they did...
...except for a certain hearing-impaired CAT standing nearest the highway. As the old CAT's eyes met the glare of Swopes' own, electricity filled the air. Those nearest the old CAT later would relate that he was mumbling repeatedly under his breath "I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't"...
...except that he did!
The old CAT reared up on his hind legs, thrust his fists into the air, and summoned the roar of the legendary saber-toothed tiger:
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, SIR:
WE WERE HERE WHEN YOU CAME,
WE ARE HERE AS YOU LEAVE!
FOR US ALL...I AM CAT!!!
As if on cue, an echoing chorus did ring out as the entire group of CATs (yep, Madam President too) did throw their paws in the air and wave 'em like they just didn't care, chanting:
"I am CAT, I am CAT, I am CAT"...all the way back to the CJSHS cafeteria.
Time to Parrrrrrrrrrrrrr-tay!!!
