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CAT Tracks for December 16, 2011
WISHING YOU A HAPPY HOLIDAY |
We here at CAT Tracks Headquarters are sensing the building excitement...
Getaway day has arrived!
Looming large...a full week to shop, cook, and get into full festive mode!
Life is good...
The joy has been evident among local CATs, many donning their gay apparel this past week...
And, yes, it's true...
...our more youthful CATs got a bit carried away in their holiday exuberance:
But...
How can you get mad?
I mean, look at that face!
And...
When caught in the act, there was no denial, just a joyful:
Plus...
...let's face it.
If catnip were not banned from school property, our more mature CATs would have been right there with them.
But...
They be CATs...good union CATs!
Case in point:
As the close of school approached on Thursday, excitement reached a feverish pitch as rumors circulated about a surprise visit by "Da Man" himself...Santa Claus!
MEOW, MEOW!
CAT Tracks Editor's Note: For those of you who do not speak CATonese and are in need of a translation: "Is he bringing presents? What's he going to bring ME, ME, ME?!" (Again...they be CATs.)
From every classroom into the decked-out halls spilled choruses of MEOW, MEOW, MEOW!!! (i.e. "I've been a good CAT, Santa...REALLY, REALLY, REALLY!")
Let us paws...
...for some essential background.
Flashback:
It seems that Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen (led, of course, by Rudolf) are avid baseball fans...particularly of one Albert Pujols. When it was announced last week that Albert had flown the St. Louis coop to become an Angel - with a heavenly $254 million nest egg - well, the reindeer were incensed.
Reportedly the reindeer contract with Santa expired this past June 30th and negotiations have stalled. Santa is once again being tight-fisted, assuming that reindeer will put aside their own personal needs and the needs of their families...for the good of the world's children, innocently awaiting Christmas Eve.
But, wait!
It seems that the reindeer have had it up to the antlers, have put their collective hooves down. No new contract? Well...no reindeer pulling Santa's sleigh this year!
What's a Santa to do?
Needless to say...
...Santa was not amused
His trademark ho, ho, ho was quickly replaced by harrumph, harrumph, harrumph.
Santa is technologically savvy. Seems Mrs. Claus gave Santa a new smartphone Christmas last...with an unlimited data plan. After posting a threat to cancel Christmas to his Facebook page (and an incendiary Tweet about reindeer and their mamas), Santa hopped aboard the Internet and googled "animal unions" to chart the lay of the land. Not surprisingly, number one link...http://www.cairoassociationofteachers.com (aka CAT Tracks...aka The Rag!)
That's how Santa discovered Cairo's CATs...
Being his usual busy self at this time of year - and now facing a reindeer rebellion - Santa had no time to study CAT History.
That was Santa's first mistake.
Anyway...
Santa clicked a couple of recent links entitled "Negotiations Update". A cursory reading quickly convinced Santa that CATs must be a subservient lot, working as they do for wages that only allow the purchase of generic CAT food and inferior kitty litter (rather than Tidy Cat), laboring for months - again - without a contract...for the children.
Ahhh, reasoned Santa: "CATs must be a soft touch!"
Flashforward to the present:
So...
...when the dismissal bell rang on Thursday afternoon, there was no need to herd CATs to the CJSHS cafeteria for a District-wide meeting.
CATs danced and pranced, dashing like comets in great expectation of goodies galore...
Finally, something to purr about at Christmas! No explaining to family members - once again - that "It's the thought that counts" (while distributing under-whelming presents from under the tree and carving the Christmas chicken.)
Finally the ability to GIVE, GIVE, GIVE to loved ones!!!
Such was the excitement, such was the anticipation as Interim Superintendent Leotis Swopes escorted Santa into a room full of CATS with their tails held high!
Well, you should have seen their faces fall...
...when the real purpose of Santa's visit was revealed.
Joyous chants of "San-ta, San-ta, San-ta" and "Ho, Ho, Ho" quickly turned to cries of "Oh, Oh, NO!"
Santa's holiday message...
"CATs: Give up your Christmas Eve, cross the picket line, pull my sleigh, and I'll pay you a stipend of $100."
Well, you could have heard a pin drop...
...talk about "Silent Night".
I wish you could have seen the looks on the faces of the assembled CATs!
Well, actually, you can...
It seems that one CAT used her cell phone to take this video:
To quote "Tiny Tom":
"God bless CATs...EVERY ONE!"
CAT Tracks Editor's Note:
In all seriousness...
I would like to take this opportunity to wish ALL of you - CATs and non - a very happy holiday season and a healthy and, yes, prosperous new year!
